Monday, December 01, 2008

What's wrong with you perfume-people??

It takes a certain amount of conviction in one's own cognitive abilities to consciously make very bad decisions. For example, my eyes and nostrils are both watering from the cloud of cloying perfume worn by the woman next to me on the train. She must have deliberately applied it in such quantities this morning. With full consciousness of the consequences of her decision, she filled up her fish tank with a Costco-brand perfume, then dunked her whole head and/or ass in it.

You know that nasty buy-by-the-six-pack perfume that strippers wear to hide the smell of vagasil and failure? This isn't that pretty. I feel it burning my skin like a cloud of WWI mustard gas - and the woman's obviously on her way to work! I should warn homeland security. I hope I don't pick up the smell and go to work smelling like composting goats.

Christ its repulsive. I wish someone would fart up indian food just to counter-balance this olfactory nightmare. I'm getting lightheaded - maybe the sweet release of asphyxiation will free me soon?

Moral of the story: ladies (and fellas - you can be stinky too) please use some discretion when applying anything smelly. If you think "hey this smells good, I should use SOME MORE!" then your decision making capability is compromised and you should not apply perfume, operate heavy machinery, shoot a gun, or breathe for the rest of the day.

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