Oh my god. No, I mean “OH MY GOD”. Not in the devout religionist sort of way, but in the “OH MY GOD MY BRAIN IS OOZING OUT OF MY EARS TO ESCAPE THE STUPIDITY THAT MY EYES FORCED IT TO INGEST”. What the F is wrong with people? It’s clear that generally, to be religious, one needs some degree of ignorance and gullibility. The degree varies, but has to be more than 0. For example, Huckabee and Mullah Omar would be on the way more than 0 side. What is unclear, however, is how that ignorance and gullibility (while usually repelling initiative and free thought) seems to sometimes bring on violent dry-heaves of ingenuity. For example, while most religionists are too lazy to do anything other than penetrate small boys or stone women to death, Mel Gibson goes through a lot of effort to make his jesusfilms.
Another example, and the one that set me off this morning, is jesussalt. It’s not called jesussalt but it should be. It’s called Blessed Christian Salt. OUCH my brain just sizzled a bit more from typing the words. Let me explain. You see, there’s an ignorant jackass named Joe Godlewski. Joe has devoted his life to doing three things, and doing them well.
First, Joe loves himself some hot, fresh Jesus.
Second, Joe hates Jews.
Third, Joe loves to cut hair. Or he did until he retired.
And here in lies Joe’s conundrum. How can he stay true to his ideals of loving Jesus and hating Jews (the hair thing I guess is immaterial) while every day, some innocent Christian child can turn on that godless box called a TV, and be subjected to some TV chef talking about KOSHER SALT? Get it? Kosher salt is clearly not jesussalt, it’s jewsalt. What if the kid sees Emeril sprinkling some Kosher salt on a cod or spider monkey or whatever? The kid may try the salt himself and then PRESTO! Eternal Damnation.
So Joe becomes proactive to solve the conundrum. He doesn’t call for banning kosher salt, or censoring TV chefs. No sir! Not Joe the Barber! He goes out and created his very own BLESSED CHRISTIAN SALT. No, it’s not made of blessed Christians! It’s salt. Blessed. By a Christian. See how that works?
Here’s the article from slashfood (http://www.slashfood.com/2009/03/04/christian-izing-salt-is-just-not-kosher/), which also links to the examiner.com story that brought us this wonderfulness.
I really hope this is just an internet hoax that I’ve been duped by. But it seems jesusy and stupid enough that it could be real. People make stupid Jesus products all the time.
Another example, and the one that set me off this morning, is jesussalt. It’s not called jesussalt but it should be. It’s called Blessed Christian Salt. OUCH my brain just sizzled a bit more from typing the words. Let me explain. You see, there’s an ignorant jackass named Joe Godlewski. Joe has devoted his life to doing three things, and doing them well.
First, Joe loves himself some hot, fresh Jesus.
Second, Joe hates Jews.
Third, Joe loves to cut hair. Or he did until he retired.
And here in lies Joe’s conundrum. How can he stay true to his ideals of loving Jesus and hating Jews (the hair thing I guess is immaterial) while every day, some innocent Christian child can turn on that godless box called a TV, and be subjected to some TV chef talking about KOSHER SALT? Get it? Kosher salt is clearly not jesussalt, it’s jewsalt. What if the kid sees Emeril sprinkling some Kosher salt on a cod or spider monkey or whatever? The kid may try the salt himself and then PRESTO! Eternal Damnation.
So Joe becomes proactive to solve the conundrum. He doesn’t call for banning kosher salt, or censoring TV chefs. No sir! Not Joe the Barber! He goes out and created his very own BLESSED CHRISTIAN SALT. No, it’s not made of blessed Christians! It’s salt. Blessed. By a Christian. See how that works?
Here’s the article from slashfood (http://www.slashfood.com/2009/03/04/christian-izing-salt-is-just-not-kosher/), which also links to the examiner.com story that brought us this wonderfulness.
I really hope this is just an internet hoax that I’ve been duped by. But it seems jesusy and stupid enough that it could be real. People make stupid Jesus products all the time.
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