Fresh Mediocrity

My EYES! Oh AAARRGGH I CAN STILL SEE IT

2011-04-29T21:06:00.000-04:00

OK - full disclosure: I have a guilty pleasure. Well, several actually, but this post isn't about monkeys. I'm a geek, and I relax by geeking out and watching mindless sci-fi movies. If it has robots, spaceships, lasers, ~~monkeys~~, hot chicks in boots, and/or dragons - that's my way of breathing deep and saying "ooohhhhhmmmm". So after a trying week, I just tried relaxing by watching Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.

I couldn't do it. Even though things were blowing up and Megan Fox was never assigned pants by the wardrobe department, by 23 minutes in, I wanted to tear out my eyes with my own teeth. I don't know how a movie could suck this much while spending so much money, but then again I didn't watch the royal wedding today.

Anyhow - in summation: given a choice between watching this movie or ~~having to live for a week inside Carrot-top's mouth~~ , the choice is clear. Don't. Waste. Your. Time.

And my new favorite Archer episode is...

2011-04-06T23:22:00.000-04:00

El Sequestro from season 2! Not least because this was tattooed on Pam's back:

For the Angel of Death spread his wings on the blast,
And breathed in the face of the foe as he passed:
And the eyes of the sleepers waxed deadly and chill,
And their hearts but once heaved, and for ever grew still!

Season two isn't on DVD yet, but if you haven't seen this show, WATCH IT NOW. Archer: Season 1

C'mon, how many cartoons are quoting Lord Byron?

Religion is just grand, part 5

2010-09-12T11:22:00.001-04:00

I'm standing in a catholic church's foyer. My wife is inside because she's a godmother to a baby being christened. The foyer is where people go when the have a baby in a stroller (like me) or a small child getting antsy (like the other people here). A little girl keeps fidgeting and trying to "dance". Her mother or grandmother or whatever gets fed up and says: "stop it! Do you want to go to HELL? Well, DO YOU?!"

Little girl starts to cry.

Amen.

Search Fail

2010-08-09T15:02:00.000-04:00

This is stupid. Bad design like this annoys me. This is really the set of default date ranges your product offers?

Quote of the day

2010-07-20T15:17:00.001-04:00

...there is much to be said in favour of modern journalism. By giving us the opinions of the uneducated, it keeps us in touch with the ignorance of the community. By carefully chronicling the current events of contemporary life, it shows us of what very little importance such events really are. By invariably discussing the unnecessary it makes us understand what things are requisite for culture, and what are not.

--Oscar Wilde

The worst driveway contractor experience ... ever

2010-07-19T14:31:00.001-04:00

This is a review of All-New Paving and Concrete, (732) 288-1700 based in Tom's River.

This company is dreadful. I say this knowing that negative reviews can really impact a small business, and I’m not out looking to maliciously hurt a local owner. I take negative reviews very seriously. However, *avoid* All New Paving. Why? Well, how do you judge the quality of any contractor?

give an honest, accurate quote
show up on time to do the work
complete the project with quality results
clean up afterward

Fail, Fail, Fail, and Fail.

We initially contracted for repaving the driveway while another contractor did some paving work around it; then, they pitched us to also do the paving work and eventually we gave them the second job. He was very responsive when trying to *get* the job – then… silence. Yes, I know, shame on me for giving a deposit of more than a minimal amount. We had to hound him for WEEKS to get him to show up and do the job. That’s not hyperbole; it was weeks of excuses mixed with long periods of not returning calls. Then, when he finally shows up: “oh, it looks like you need an extra layer of asphalt – that’s an extra $1,100.” At this point of course the driveway is torn up, so we’re in a bind.

BTW an extra 1100 blows the budget off the project (almost an extra 20%), so now we need to negotiate him “working with us” to absorb the extra unforeseen cost. He agrees to let us pay the difference from the original “estimate” in another installment 10 days later, but demands a post-dated check! Because the budget is blown, we change the paving project to a replacement of the retaining walls on either side of the driveway (get rid of the railroad ties and replace with stone). He then tried to get more cash on the spot for more materials – umm, no.

Then when the job is “finished” there are large gaps between the new wall and the rest of the property… more than enough for someone to snap an ankle. There’s a big hole in the new retaining wall where it ties to the existing step. There’s landscaping that was removed and not put back. And my favorite – there’s a giant pile of the railroad ties sitting on my lawn. Right on the lawn in front of my house. ON THE F’NG LAWN. For another week!

The only reason this stuff got fixed is because we canceled that post-dated check for the balance. Good thing too, since he tried to cash it early. Do we really have to hold the money hostage to get the job completed? Apparently, yes. But you shouldn’t have to.
Well, you say: maybe this reviewer is just a bitter curmudgeon, who is so anal-retentive and OCD that he blows tiniest smudges out of proportion – maybe the above litany of errors is all in my head? I retort: Judge for yourself… pics are below.

note the giant gap between the wall and the step...

Here's a closer look. Does that look "done" to you?

Is that big enough for a toddler to hurt themselves? Yep.

On my GD lawn. What do you think the grass underneath that pile looks like?

It's like living in a novel. An Ayn Rand novel...

2010-04-30T16:21:00.000-04:00

Every government interference in the economy consists of giving an unearned benefit, extorted by force, to some men at the expense of others. --Rand Capitalism: The Unknown Ideal

From InvestmentNews' "Taking it to The Street" article on 4/30:

The AFL-CIO, the 11-million-member labor federation, is urging Congress to impose a transaction tax on securities trading to help cover the $900 billion cost for a government jobs program they want lawmakers to create.

Why even bother creating the jobs? Why don't they just demand that the government redistribute the money directly to them? I mean, not via check, because they'd have to go to a BANK to get it cashed, but maybe through an envelope of cash?

Secret identity revealed!

2010-04-28T22:11:00.006-04:00

C'mon - the resemblance is uncanny!

Who was that guy from Georgia, who grew peanuts and flew in Air Force One?

2010-04-27T13:34:00.003-04:00

From "Inflation's coming V-Shaped Recovery" in Forbes:

Last week's release of the Producer Price Index should have sent shivers down the spines of those who worry about silly things like profit margins. Prices for finished goods were up 0.7% month-over-month and 6% year-over-year. Intermediate goods prices were up 7.7% year-over-year. Prices for crude goods have soared 3.2% since March and 33.4% on an annual basis. If that's not a V-shaped recovery in inflation, what would you call it?

The Consumer Price Index is up 2.4% over the past 12 months. No, that level alone does not equal intractable inflation, but it's still a big jump from last summer's 2% CPI drop. Thanks to the Fed's record-sized balance sheet ($2.32 trillion), which has grown by $20 billion since since last week alone, inflation data has become disturbing. April's import prices were up 0.7% from March and 11.4% from a year ago.

What's it called when you have high unemployment and high inflation? Oh yeah - staglfation! Malaise! Jimmy F'ng Carter fucks with our economy from beyond the grave through this administration! **update: James Carter apparently not dead.

Perfect summary from Mike Pento's article:

The losers in all this are members of the general public, who are suffering the double whammy of high unemployment and the erosion of their purchasing power.

My local school budget

2010-04-25T16:05:00.005-04:00

Data from http://www.middletownk12.org/finance/files/User%20Friendly%20Budget%202010-11.pdf

Pupils	2009	2010	Net	Net %
Pupils on Roll Regular Full-Time	8540	8814	274	3.2%
Pupils on Roll Regular Shared-Time	86	84	-2	-2.3%
Pupils on Roll Reg Accr. Adult High Sch	16	22	6	37.5%
Pupils on Roll - Special Full-Time	1461	1381	-80	-5.5%
Pupils on Roll - Special Shared-Time	101	108	7	6.9%
Private School Placements	58	53	-5	-8.6%
Total	10262	10462	200	1.9%	As pupils increase…

Selected Items	09-10	10-11	Net	Net %
Total Operating Budget	146,208,972	140,366,709	-5,842,263	-4.0%	1. ...we spend less overall
Local Tax Levy	119,793,275	123,878,213	4,084,938	3.4%	2. but we're taxed more
Regular Instruction	51,142,450	48,884,706	-2,257,744	-4.4%	3a. even though we're spending less on teaching
School Sponsored Athletics	1,418,274	1,152,279	-265,995	-18.8%	3b. And less on sports
Personal Services - Employee Benefits	22,499,239	23,808,496	1,309,257	5.8%	4. but we are spending a million more on benefits
Total Comparative Per Pupil Cost	12,638	12,106	-532	-4.2%	5. so we spend less per kid overall
Classroom-Salaries and Benefits	7,240	7,505	265	3.7%	6. but more per kid on teachers
Employee Benefits as a % of Salaries	23.4	26.7	3	14.1%	7. and those benefit costs are rising

And apparently those benefit costs are rising even after the layoffs of 124 district staff, including 72.5 teaching positions! [http://www.app.com/article/20100420/NEWS/4210326/1283/LOCAL07/Middletown-voters-oust-school-board-incumbents-reject-budget]

You're nasty. You know who you are.

2010-04-19T12:02:00.002-04:00

If there's a hell, there's a special room in it for people who go to the bathroom and don't wash their hands. But, many are unaware that there is a slightly smaller, adjacent hellroom for people who go to the bathroom and wash their hands without using soap! Especially when it's RIGHT THERE.

2010 New York City Start! Wall Street Run & Heart Walk

2010-04-14T09:50:00.002-04:00

Heartland Brewery

2010-03-05T09:56:00.001-05:00

When a man reaches a certain age, he must begin to think more carefully about what drinking on a Thursday night does to his body on Friday morning. Last night I met a friend for beers and something to eat at Heartland Brewery (the place you go when no one wants to make a decision as to where to go), and while it was far from a raging party my body kind hurts in that annoying way it does after I exercise. Since when is 3 beers enough "exercise" to make my joints sore? FML.

Anyway, I've been known to be sour on Heartland over the years, with my primary gripe being along the lines of "if you're a brewery, your beer shouldn't suck, and if it does the food better be damn good". And the food wasn't. However I do have to say that they redeemed themselves (to some degree) last night. The IPA flowed really nicely. It's one of their standards and always on the menu; I'm not big into "seasonal specialty" beers but their "Not Tonight Honey Porter" sign made me chuckle. All the pints are $6.95, and a seven-dollar beer is not that bad in the city. Service at the bar was friendly and attentive, and we had no trouble getting a table for something to eat. Comment on the economy that they have tables open at 730?

Maybe I was too busy hating on them to notice the menu, or maybe it really has changed over the years, but in either case dinner did not disappoint as in years past. I had the Pan-Seared Salmon (Pineapple citrus salsa and grilled polenta, served with frisée and radicchio salad and chipotle mayo 15.50) while my friend got the Grilled Cheese (I think it was on special - if so, bonus points for putting grilled cheese on the menu!). I can't speak for his but mine was pretty damn good, the salsa not overpowering the salmon. Overall Heartland Brewery worked themselves up to "acceptable, not exceptional" from "hell no" on my list - your results may vary.

Quote without attribution

2010-02-19T12:11:00.001-05:00

Who said "Slavery's chains are forged in the furnace of envy"? I've been using that but can't find an attribution...

At least the UAW is paid to work poorly

2010-02-02T18:29:00.004-05:00

Hooray! Another victory for the glorious proletarian revolution, keeping the capitalist oppressors’ foot off our necks. All hail our brave and industrious comrades in the teachers’ unions! Look how they make all our lives better – especially our most precious resource, the future tax- and dues-payers of the great collective (what the free-thinking non-union aristocrats still condescendingly call “children”):

DA: NYC Teacher Had 4th-Graders Fight In Class
[Link to cbs story]

A teacher at a New York City public school has been charged with forcing his fourth graders to fight in the classroom. The allegations are startling; that a fourth grade teacher at PS 65 in Queens not only condoned, but encouraged two boys to turn his classroom into their very own private "fight club." …

Prosecutors say Gullotta [the teacher] then instructed the boys to lie to the school nurse about what happened….

Of course, the part about this being good for the children is bullshit. Thanks to the union, this guy can’t be fired, even though he was arrested. He’s still on the public payroll, as are many other non-fireable teachers. Sure, deep down, in the slimy dungeon core of the educational establishment there’s some level of normal thought where at least they pull them out of the classroom, but hey – you get to keep paying your fair share to keep them employed doing nothing! I was going to just link to the article about NYC spending $53 million to keep them plugged into the union machine, but instead why don’t you Google “paid not to teach” and see how many of these stories come up… NATIONWIDE!

Guess what? The real travesty is not just there’s a 1930s-style industrial union thieving from the taxpayers, fighting every single reform, and corrupting state and municipal politics… it’s that there are actually great teachers in the public schools, people who can change kids’ lives (for the better, not like the example above), and they’re trapped in the teamsters. They can’t be promoted or rewarded, nor can they protect our children by excelling at their jobs and having the crappy teachers wash out of the system. Or even the ones running a fight club. Such a system encourages, enforces, and engrains mediocrity. But hey, pay your dues.

Oh, and for the record I have many friends who are teachers in public schools. They of course belong to the trade unions. I don’t have any friends who are poor or mediocre teachers. If any of them read this and consider it an attack on them, or their profession, I encourage them to read this again; my beef, like almost everyone else in the private sector, is not with teachers but the unions.

It only makes sense if you don't think too hard...

2010-01-11T12:42:00.003-05:00

Again, Comrade Kucinich should be voted out of the public eye. His comments, and this article, reflect two big logical flaws in the whole discussion over bonuses.

The first is that it's somehow "bad" that people make a lot of money; this is a ludicrous idea assuming that the money is being made honestly, not stolen. The second is that "banks" should be discouraged from taking risks; this is silly. Taking risk, in anticipation of adequate reward, is the whole point of the banking/investment industry, and any well-functioning (read:capitalist) economy in general.

2009-12-28T11:01:00.002-05:00

"People of the same trade seldom meet together, even for merriment and diversion, but the conversation ends in a conspiracy against the public, or in some contrivance to raise prices."--Adam Smith

Channeling the inner Hank Moody

2009-12-10T11:09:00.003-05:00

So… the list of people who I know personally and have published books is short but distinguished. It now also includes Greg Gammer, who now has his novel The American Nightmare out in the world. Congratulations to Greg!

The book itself looks interesting, so this is not one of those half-hearted congrats posts – though (full disclosure) I haven’t read any of it while writing this post…. But I will as soon as he releases the Kindle version.

ObamaCare - the prequel

2009-11-16T21:44:00.003-05:00

You can go to the doctor and get medicine for a plethora of ailments. You can get everything from anti-fungal cream to steroids to Viagra to cancer drugs to knee replacements to lobotomies to radiation treatment to allergy shots to a baboon liver installed instead of your real one. All from doctors and free-market pharmaceutical companies that develop this stuff.

But the one thing right now controlled by the government, H1N1 Piggy Flu vaccine - just try getting that. Nope. Some of you (read:me) don't qualify. Those that do (read:wife and kid) had to wait almost three hours in line - OUTSIDE. In the COLD. Where they could GET SICK. But government-run healthcare is BETTER, you see. It's better because EVERYONE was waiting in the cold. It's unfair if only some people are stuck outside.

Oh, and they may run out of vaccine. Again.

No pizza. How about some "F You" instead?

2009-11-03T19:21:00.002-05:00

It used to be that when I got accosted by panhandlers it would be someone completely derelict - the kind of hobo you'd see on the street yelling at trees or fighting with ghosts, sporting a mangy beard that was half Taliban, half pubes. But now we live in the age of Obama, and with all this hope and change burrowing its way to our collective prostate, being a beggar is far less exclusive. Today I was stopped on the street by a guy. Well-dressed, clean-shaven, and other than wearing dark glasses at night he seemed "normal", whatever that means nowadays. He even carried a briefcase. I stopped because he threw a "dude!" At me as we passed each other - and I thought he recognized me. Not "Excuse me, sir." Not "Buddy can you spare a dime?" Dude.

Then, he reaches out to shake my hand! "Hey man, could you help me out?" Oh shit! Stranger danger, I thought. No handshakes from random stranger in swine-flu season, thanks. "What's up?" I throw back at him briskly. Or bruskly, whichever's the right vocabulary word.

He seemed affronted. "With all due respect - with ALL DUE RESPECT - I'm trying to get a slice of pizza..." He had to repeat "with all due respect" for me, because apparently that's like a secret code word for "buy me pizza". My toddler just uses "PIZZA! PIZZA!", I should teach him this trick.

Anyway, I high-tailed it outta there. I had to hurry to vote against Corzine (which in Russian translates loosely to "basket").

How about you? Do you buy pizza for strangers?

Hybrid Man-Eating Pythons

2009-09-16T11:32:00.002-04:00

So I’ve previously ranted at length (http://freshmediocrity.blogspot.com/2009/07/pet-burmese-python-strangles-toddler-in.html) about the danger posed by pythons. I know, everyone thinks I’m over-blowing the python threat, like my rants about the “war on Xmas” (http://freshmediocrity.blogspot.com/2005/12/war-on-christmas-road-to-victory-part.html) over-blew the threat of Koala-loving drivers. But check this shit out. The CSM has this story (http://www.csmonitor.com/2009/0915/p02s01-usgn.html) reassuringly-titled “HYBRID MAN-EATING PYTHONS? FLORIDA IS ON ALERT”.

In an [sic] case of real life imitating Hollywood, the US scientific
community is increasingly concerned that two nonnative python breeds currently
slithering free in south Florida could morph into a giant man-eating swamp coil.

The capture of five African rock pythons recently near an Everglades already teeming with the gentler Burmese pythons has scientists worried about so-called "hybrid vigor" – a phenomenon that occurs when interbreeding uncorks volatile recessive genes, passing traits such as aggression onto the offspring. Think Africanized bees.

The two species have interbred in captivity. While Burmese pythons aren't known to eat people in their native habitat, the African rock python, unfortunately, has been known to do just that (emphasis mine).

The “Africanized bees” of the python world! Great! It’s all fun and games until one of these things winds it’s way through a trailer park or clan rally or goat-rape (http://freshmediocrity.blogspot.com/2008/09/theres-no-justice-for-rednecks-victims.html) or whatever else they do down south. Then, when it coils around some fat, toothless, delicious redneck, and EATS THEM WHOLE, the goddam rednecks will somehow blame Obama.

Is it something in the water?

2009-09-09T10:14:00.003-04:00

I wonder, what happens when someone signs on to write a column for the NYT? Does the paper filter the list of candidates to make sure no one with any reasonable cognitive ability is dismissed? Do they only accept columnists from an approved Party list, in effect serving as the propaganda arm of the [use your imagination] Party, without having to consider the commercial, logical, ethical, or journalistic impact of their content? Or maybe they hire normal people, and through a hazing period of tiger cages, Clockwork Orange-style indoctrination, and massive doses of LSD turn them into barking lunatics?

For example, reading anything written by Paul Krugman SHOULD result in a reaction of "Paul, what the fuck is wrong with you?" But yet, he gets to keep devaluing the NYT, journalism, and the Nobel Prize with crap like this piece pining for Richard Nixon's economic policies. Nick Gillespie at Reason wrote a critique of Krug-nonsense here, but frankly a critique could be written weekly about Krugman's inane rambling. But he writes on.

Or this week, when "The World Is Flat" author Thomas L. Friedman, who also writes a column for the NYT, conjured up a screed about how China is better governed than America. Allow me to quote Matt Welch's piece from Reason's Hit & Run column:

The next time anyone tries to tell you that Thomas L. Friedman is a serious
thinker, or a tribune for global democracy, or even a good columnist, or
basically someone who isn't worth sending on the next slow boat to Shanghai,
please refer him to this despicable column from today, then ask: Do you, too, prefer Chinese governance to American democracy? No really, Friedman says that:

There is only one thing worse than one-party autocracy, and that is one-party democracy, which is what we have in America today.

Then there's the recurring fun and games of Maureen Dowd's convulsing gibberish, and Roger Cohen's "reporting" of how happy the Jews of Iran are.

I don't understand - who pays for all this nonsense?

A wise Latin woman once said...

2009-07-26T22:33:00.001-04:00

Quod gratis asseritur, gratis negatur - "what is asserted without reason may be denied without reason"

Pet Burmese Python Strangles Toddler in Bedroom - ABC News

2009-07-17T11:56:00.004-04:00

So, you all thought it was hyperbole? You thought I was nuts for ranting about pythons eh? Well here you go.

Pet Burmese Python Strangles Toddler in Bedroom - ABC News

Shared via AddThis

Ignorance perpetuates itself

2009-07-16T11:16:00.001-04:00

Wikiquote quote of the day:

Ignorance perpetuates itself just as knowledge does. Men write false documents, they preach false doctrine, and those beliefs survive to inspire wickedness in later generations. ... Conversely, some men write and teach about the truth, only to be declared heretic by the wicked.
In such cases evil has the advantage, for it will do anything to suppress truth, but the good man limits what he will do to suppress falsehood.

One might almost make a rule of it: "Whoever declares another heretic is himself a devil. Whoever places a relic or artifact above justice, kindness, mercy, or truth is himself a devil and the thing elevated is a work of evil magic."
--Sheri S. Tepper
<http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Sheri_S._Tepper>

Wisdom from the "Velvet President"

2009-06-24T16:43:00.000-04:00

Speaking on Iran:

"What is possible and what I would repeatedly warn against is the policy of
compromise and the notion that if we don't provoke evil, it will just go away by
itself," Havel said. "On the contrary, that would just make it stronger."

--Vaclav Havel

The rest here.

You are no Jedi

2009-06-16T18:41:00.001-04:00

Buying a cup of coffee in Newark; there's a beggar next to me.

Beggar: would you buy me a soda, please?
Me: No!
Beggar: but I'm not a beggar though!
Me: whatever.
Beggar: I'm not! (Huffs away)
Coffee guy: effing beggars!

This is an Ex-Groundhog

2009-06-05T07:34:00.003-04:00

So we have one - maybe two - groundhog(s) living on our property. We can't determine the exact number because, let's face it, groundhogs are fungible and we've never seen more than one at a time. Instead of shooting it, or calling animal control, my wife named him/them "Gilbert". My kid asks about Gilbert and points to "Gilbert's house" in the corner of the yard.

Yesterday, Gilbert appeared to be taking the dirt nap in the middle of our suburban street, most likely hit by a car or a stealth bomber or something. My kid said "Gilbert needs a band-aid". Sorry son, Gilbert's way past band-aids now.

This morning, Gilbert was gone. I'm fairly certain he wasn't the promised messiah of groundhogs, who just sprung up from his death like the Narnia Jesus-lion. And since animal control/the roads department wasn't available to clean him up last night, I'm wondering if the turkey vultures "cleaned him up" during the course of the night. Do they work that fast? Does anyone know?

In any case he's gone. Nature is cruel. Hopefully there was only one, and if there were two the other one will be freaked out enough to leave.

In Pace Requiescat, Gilbert.

Religion is just Grand - part 4

2009-05-20T12:03:00.001-04:00

You know what we need more of in America? Religion. All good things flow from religion, and faith in the almighty. Without it we wouldn’t have Jesus salt, beheadings, honor killings, boy-shagging, gay-bashing, or ignorance – in short, we wouldn’t have most of the horrible, evil, and oppressive elements of the human condition. And without evil, how can we be good? Got that? Amen.

Here’s a another great example from Africa again, through BBC News:

Stoning victim 'begged for mercy' (article here)

A young woman recently stoned to death in Somalia first pleaded for her life,
a witness has told the BBC.

"Don't kill me, don't kill me," she said, according to the man who wanted to remain anonymous. A few minutes later, more than 50 men threw stones.
Human rights group Amnesty International says the victim was a 13-year-old girl who had been raped. (emphasis mine)

Religion is just Grand - part 3

2009-05-20T11:52:00.001-04:00

An inquiry into child abuse at Catholic institutions in Ireland has found
church leaders knew that sexual abuse was "endemic" in boys'
institutions.

Ritual beatings

The report said that girls supervised by orders of nuns, chiefly the Sisters of Mercy, suffered much less sexual abuse but frequent assaults and humiliation designed to make them feel worthless.
The five-volume study concluded that church officials encouraged ritual beatings and consistently shielded their orders' paedophiles from arrest amid a "culture of self-serving secrecy".
It also found that government inspectors failed to stop the chronic beatings, rapes and humiliation. The commission said overwhelming, consistent testimony from still-traumatized men and women, now in their 50s to 80s, had demonstrated beyond a doubt that the entire system treated children more like prison inmates and slaves than people with legal rights and human potential.

Religion is just Grand - part 2

2009-05-20T11:51:00.000-04:00

You know what we need more of in America? Religion. All good things flow from religion, and faith in the almighty. Without it we wouldn’t have Jesus salt, beheadings, honor killings, boy-shagging, gay-bashing, or ignorance – in short, we wouldn’t have most of the horrible, evil, and oppressive elements of the human condition. And without evil, how can we be good? Got that? Amen.

Here’s a great example from right here in the USA through the Newsweek:

Parents' Rights, Judges' Rules (article here)

Last week, Daniel Hauser sat quietly in a Minneapolis courtroom while adults
debated how to combat the Hodgkin's lymphoma that has invaded his body. Doctors
wanted the 13-year-old boy to undergo chemotherapy and radiation. His parents
were resisting: their religion advocated natural and homeopathic methods. The
judge ruled on Friday that Hauser's family must select an oncologist and that he
must receive chest X-rays to determine the extent of his cancer, the results of
which would help determine a new medical plan of action. By Tuesday, the boy and
his mother were missing, having skipped the scheduled chest X-ray appointment; a
warrant has been issued for the mother's arrest. (emphasis mine)

Religion is just Grand

2009-05-20T11:46:00.000-04:00

You know what we need more of in America? Religion. All good things flow from religion, and faith in the almighty. Without it we wouldn’t have Jesus salt, beheadings, honor killings, boy-shagging, gay-bashing, or ignorance – in short, we wouldn’t have most of the horrible, evil, and oppressive elements of the human condition. And without evil, how can we be good? Got that? Amen.

Here’s a great example from Somalia through the BBC:

Somali justice - Islamist-style (article here)

The dusty streets of Kismayo in Somalia echoed to the sound of a vehicle with
loudspeakers summoning residents to a new form of public "entertainment" earlier
this month.
People were being invited to see a man have his hand chopped off
in a public park in the city.

Time to fire the fund manager

2009-04-28T07:04:00.000-04:00

So the US Treasury is basically a big open-end mutual fund that is *mostly* a ponzi scheme. And all of us taxpayers are compelled to invest in this fund; its our patriotic duty! Nathaniel Hale, Patrick Henry, Ben Franklin and the other founders fought and died for our right to pay into the treasury.

I say "mostly" because even though all future earnings come from subsequent investment (read:taxes), which is the definition of Ponzi Scheme, the fund manager is actually doing some legitimate investment. The problem with this is that the fund manager is making some pretty awful investments. For example, he's about to invest our fund's assets into General Motors (NYSE:GM). Tell me, if your friendly local large-cap equity manager announced this trade, in fact announced taking a majority share of GM? Wouldn't you fire him or her? Or switch funds?

Since we can't switch our investment out of the "US Treasury Fund" - without moving out of the country - how do we fire the fund manager?

All over Oceania ... (#2)

2009-04-27T19:05:00.002-04:00

There have been spontaneous demonstrations of party workers voicing their gratitude and joy.

From today's wsj.com's "Best of the web today":

***

Accountability Journalism

It's been more than three months, but the thrill still isn't gone for the Associated Press's Liz Sidoti:
It didn't take long for Barack Obama--for all his youth and inexperience--to get acclimated to his new role as the calming leader of a country in crisis. "I feel surprisingly comfortable in the job," the nation's 44th president said a mere two weeks after taking the helm. . . .Over nearly 100 days as president, Obama has applied the same "no drama" leadership and calculated approach to governing that he did to campaigning.

As an audacious candidate, Obama meticulously built a powerhouse organization and fundraising juggernaut to engineer his victory. As a fledgling president, he similarly has mapped out a big-risk agenda that he's methodically begun to execute, keeping to the discipline that has been a hallmark of his life.

Rookie jitters? Far from it.

Sidoti also reports that Obama is "confident almost to a fault," that he has "kept that focused attitude in the White House, while exhibiting few flashes of any off-putting, self-important tone," that he has "reached the pinnacle of his political ambition," and that he seems "has seemed extraordinarily at ease as president from the day that he took office."
Oh, also, he has "made a once skeptical electorate comfortable with the notion that a black, 47-year-old, first-term senator with limited experience could take over as the leader of the free world," he speaks in "firm, yet soothing tones," he uses "a just-folks approach to identify with economically struggling citizens" and displays "wonkish tendencies, too," all the while engaging in "witty banter" while striking "a statesmanlike stance."

OK, Liz, we'll bite: Is there anything you don't like about Obama?

Well, he "has steamed with anger" at AIG executives and "gone after lawmakers who refused to support the $787 billion economic stimulus package." He has also "shown contriteness" (which we'd think was a good quality, though we suppose it also suggests he has something to be contrite about) and "shown irritation at criticism." He "has let it be known he hasn't forgotten how politics works." And despite being "careful," he "has made a few errors."

But never fear: "So far, the public has liked what it's seen." "Most people in the U.S."--and Liz Sidoti herself is nothing if not a person in the U.S.--"consider their new president to be a strong, ethical leader who is working for change as he promised in his campaign." And "most people say he's on TV just the right amount."

"Overall," Sidoti sums up, "Obama seems unflappable."
And wouldn't lesser men wither under the kind of tough-minded coverage he's received from the likes of Liz Sidoti?

***

All over Oceania ...

2009-04-23T08:57:00.005-04:00

There have been spontaneous demonstrations of party workers voicing their gratitude and joy.

AP Poll: Americans high on Obama, direction of US
By RON FOURNIER and TREVOR TOMPSON, Associated Press Writers Ron Fournier And Trevor Tompson, Associated Press Writers
WASHINGTON – For the first time in years, more Americans than not say the country is headed in the right direction, a sign that Barack Obama has used the first 100 days of his presidency to lift the public's mood and inspire hopes for a brighter future.
Intensely worried about their personal finances and medical expenses, Americans nonetheless appear realistic about the time Obama might need to turn things around, according to an Associated Press-GfK poll. It shows most Americans consider their new president to be a strong, ethical and empathetic leader who is working to change Washington. (...rest of story...)

I live here!

2009-04-18T08:31:00.003-04:00

So this is kind of messed up. My kid was being bratty when I came home yesterday, and only wanted to sit on the couch with his mommy.

Me: move over buddy, let me sit with you.
Kid: NO daddy! You go HOME!
Me: we are home, buddy. This is where we live.
Kid: No, you go home! You go to your CAR!

I'm away from the house so much (at work), that my kid thinks I live somewhere else - in my car!

That hurts, boy. I'll remember this when it's time to decide whether or not to gamble away your college fund...

"In 3 Weeks I Will Be Put to My Death"

2009-04-06T22:08:00.002-04:00

Wait a minute! Didn't someone tell these people that Bush isn't president any more? I though he was the source of all the extremism, violence, and "cultural misunderstanding".

Check out this little gem from the Toronto Sun. My favorite (most alarming?) part of the article: "The practice does take place but it is rare," Patel said. "It is more of a cultural occurrence than a religious practice."

However, about 10,000 women die yearly from honour killings in Pakistan, according to statistics. (emphasis mine)

A Mississauga woman says she'll be the victim of an honour killing by her estranged husband, a Muslim extremist, when she's deported to Pakistan at the end of the month.

read more | digg story

Wake Up Your Cat, Take A Picture Of It

2009-04-02T22:47:00.002-04:00

Though I do hate cats (they're little bastards, admit it!) this is stupid enough to be humorous...

read more | digg story

Like herpes, Spitzer just won't go away

2009-03-18T16:25:00.003-04:00

Whenever you feel like things are settling down, that life is starting to make sense again, and that some balance has been restored to the natural order of things, some kind of stupid bullshit will throw it off again. For me, today, just as I was feeling there was a bit of justice and normalcy creeping back into our collective lives (no real reason btw that I felt that, maybe it was just gas) I see this headline in Slate (pic above).

Shouldn’t this guy be in prison for corruption and whore-banging? And didn’t he, in very large part, help cause the AIG debacle? Does anyone have any memory at all left, or are we al living in Memento world?

A pillar of (kosher) salt

2009-03-13T09:33:00.002-04:00

Oh my god. No, I mean “OH MY GOD”. Not in the devout religionist sort of way, but in the “OH MY GOD MY BRAIN IS OOZING OUT OF MY EARS TO ESCAPE THE STUPIDITY THAT MY EYES FORCED IT TO INGEST”. What the F is wrong with people? It’s clear that generally, to be religious, one needs some degree of ignorance and gullibility. The degree varies, but has to be more than 0. For example, Huckabee and Mullah Omar would be on the way more than 0 side. What is unclear, however, is how that ignorance and gullibility (while usually repelling initiative and free thought) seems to sometimes bring on violent dry-heaves of ingenuity. For example, while most religionists are too lazy to do anything other than penetrate small boys or stone women to death, Mel Gibson goes through a lot of effort to make his jesusfilms.

Another example, and the one that set me off this morning, is jesussalt. It’s not called jesussalt but it should be. It’s called Blessed Christian Salt. OUCH my brain just sizzled a bit more from typing the words. Let me explain. You see, there’s an ignorant jackass named Joe Godlewski. Joe has devoted his life to doing three things, and doing them well.

First, Joe loves himself some hot, fresh Jesus.
Second, Joe hates Jews.
Third, Joe loves to cut hair. Or he did until he retired.

And here in lies Joe’s conundrum. How can he stay true to his ideals of loving Jesus and hating Jews (the hair thing I guess is immaterial) while every day, some innocent Christian child can turn on that godless box called a TV, and be subjected to some TV chef talking about KOSHER SALT? Get it? Kosher salt is clearly not jesussalt, it’s jewsalt. What if the kid sees Emeril sprinkling some Kosher salt on a cod or spider monkey or whatever? The kid may try the salt himself and then PRESTO! Eternal Damnation.

So Joe becomes proactive to solve the conundrum. He doesn’t call for banning kosher salt, or censoring TV chefs. No sir! Not Joe the Barber! He goes out and created his very own BLESSED CHRISTIAN SALT. No, it’s not made of blessed Christians! It’s salt. Blessed. By a Christian. See how that works?

Here’s the article from slashfood (http://www.slashfood.com/2009/03/04/christian-izing-salt-is-just-not-kosher/), which also links to the examiner.com story that brought us this wonderfulness.

I really hope this is just an internet hoax that I’ve been duped by. But it seems jesusy and stupid enough that it could be real. People make stupid Jesus products all the time.

Twitterification?

2009-03-12T12:15:00.001-04:00

Hey twitterers (tweeple?): when you set your twitter to automatically update your facebook status, aren't you forcing your facebook friend to follow your tweets?

And if so, do you have an ethical problem with that?

Just curious, as a guy who doesn't tweet nor follow, yet sees a constant stream of twitterjunk in my facebook feed.

Discuss amongst (our)selves.

To put it in perspective

2009-03-02T15:49:00.003-05:00

Sure, you may be having a rough day. I know I have been, like for the last 1072 days. But to put it in perspective, things could always be worse. For example some fucknut could plow their car through your front door. This is exactly what happened to my favorite chicken joint (Cluck U chicken). They've had to put up plywood walls and a fake front door as if they're Katrina victims.

Ouch! My ass! Stop it Barack!

2009-02-18T19:02:00.001-05:00

So I was busy all day, and hadn't had. Chance to look at the market today. Until now, after a beer on the train.

My first reaction was WTF!

My second reaction was FML.

I know he hasn't been president for very long, but does it seem that - despite his "eloquence" - every time Obama opens his mouth the markets crash? I mean is today's rout (S&P below 790!) somehow Bush's fault?

When he promised "change" is this what he meant?

Octuplets could be costly for taxpayers

2009-02-17T14:49:00.002-05:00

To be clear, I think this woman is a pretty horrible person with a poor grasp of reality. She's horrible because she's condemning these 14 kids to a life of hardship. Planning on supporting them by landing a reality-show gig is akin to planning to support them by hitting the lotto, or becoming a rock star. And yet, despite my seething disgust for this selfish imbecile, the main thing i keep thinking is "those poor kids". It's really the kids who will suffer, for both material things and for attention and emotional nourishment. I don't care how loving you think you are, there's only 24 hours in a day, and 14 babies. You just - physically - can't care for each of them in a day. How'd you like to be kid #9 of 14, growing up on foodstamps and seeing mom for 20 minutes a day? Plus now the taxpayers have to foot the bill!

Oh wait, she's going into the lucrative profession of "counseling".

Octuplets could be costly for taxpayers
As a single parent with no income, Nadya Suleman could receive thousands of dollars a month in government assistance. And the Medi-Cal bill for her newborns is mounting.

read more digg story

Proof: Country, Vodka and Sour Cream

2009-02-17T11:33:00.003-05:00

I'm drawn to any mention of pelmeni and vodka in media. This article from the NYT has both.

An emigre from St. Petersburg in search of authentic Russian drinking finds
himself in the cafes of Brighton Beach, where vodka and food are
inseparable.

'Vampire' arrested for threatening teenage 'slayer'

2009-02-16T16:37:00.001-05:00

A self-described "vampire" and former fringe political candidate is facing charges for threatening a teenage girl who tried to break off their online relationship by telling him she was a vampire hunter.

read more | digg story

More glory for the god-fearing state of Kansas

2009-02-06T18:37:00.003-05:00

Are you kidding me? No really, are you fucking kidding?? Hey Kansas people, while you're out there trying to strip science out of schools to teach more Jesus and sticking yourselves to crappers, maybe you can also teach people that ass-fucking a pooch to death is not a nice thing to do. What happened, did Pastor Ted tell the flock that bashing gays isn't enough, and that y'all have to one-up the Catholics - who only fuck boys in the ass - by sodomizing a doggy?

From kansascity.com
Posted on Fri, Feb. 06, 2009 02:45 PM
*Man accused of sodomizing, killing dog*
A 19-year-old Lawrence man has a first court appearance scheduled this afternoon on charges of animal cruelty and sodomy related to a fatal attack on a dog, police said.

A maintenance crew called police Wednesday after finding blood in an apartment on the 2100 block of Heatherwood Drive, and police arrested the man that day after an investigation, they said. That investigation continues and may involve other animals, they said.
Check www.kansascity.com later for more details. | Joe Lambe

The solution to the financial crisis

2009-01-30T17:48:00.002-05:00

Wow, am I relieved. After a harrowing 2008, when it seemed nobody knew how to even approach the financial crisis, relief is here! We've finally figured it out, through the combined efforts of the brightest minds in finance, government, academia, and meth production.

For months, our leaders were chasing the problem down dead ends, but now they know where to look. The global financial crisis is apparently caused by... JOHN THAIN'S RUG! That's right dear reader, you were probably fooled, as I was, as our government was, into thinking the problem was in fact the Citi corporate jet. But in hindsight it's so lucid! A jet couldn't cause banks to fail! Only an $80k rug can do that!

Now that we know the culprit, we can get to work. The other problems will sort themselves out; Andy Cuomo will "get back" the compensation from the financial industry, Obama will give a speech condemning greed and profits (check), Republicans will make sure everything's still ok with Jesus (who keeps a close eye on finance), and Joe Biden will keep doing...whatever it is that he does for a living.

Meanwhile, Ken Lewis will destroy the evil rug by burning it in effigy on the White House lawn. There will be spontaneous demonstrations of party workers voicing their gratitude and joy. Then POOF! Crisis solved! Oh and somehow Pelosi will work free birth control into this - I'm not sure how but it seems to be the right thing to do.

Hope is here!

NYT: The Bacon Explosion

2009-01-29T08:01:00.002-05:00

I'm actually sitting here thinking of an intro to this (along the lines of "sweet christ!") But nothing really seems appropriate. This is the NYT article re the Bacon Explosion. This is exactly what america needs!

Hopefully the mobile link works on your computer, but you can search NYT for "bacon explosion".

update: I've replaced the non-working mobile link with this http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/28/dining/28bacon.html?partner=permalink&exprod=permalink working link...

Be the "change" you want to see

2009-01-23T06:54:00.001-05:00

So the country has made a call for change, and the supposed change should've started this week after inagurationpalooza. Change means many things to different people. I, for example, this about the "hard working Americans" I interact with daily, and wish change on many of them.

Specifically, I wish the guy who drives the shuttle bus from the train to my car - who decided he was going to call it a night early and go drinking - would "change". He's not being beaten with a highway cone, and I'd like that to change. He's not being anally deflowered by a rabid shetland pony, and I'd like that to change. He's not getting a full body poison ivy wrap before being tied in a sack, and I'd like that to change.

Frankly he's not doing his job very well and I'd love for that to change too. While the odometer says its only 1.5 miles (which I walked in 20 minutes) it still sucked. It was late, I'd had some drinks, my foot hurts, and oh by the way it's January so it was f'ng cold. Marching a mile in the cold and dark is something reserved for soldiers in training or POWs or homeless people.

Plus my blackberry died so I had to wait hours to post this rant.

D-bags abound

2009-01-15T20:10:00.002-05:00

I used to think that duchebags were deserving of sympathy. But now I think that duchebags, while sad, lonely, creepy people, are to blame for their own conditions. Its a vicious spiral. The same things that cause them to be duchebaggy and lonely are the things they turn to to alleviate that sad lonely creepyness.

For example, the duchebag in the seat on front of me on the trains is a tool. He's got long hair and looks like he hasn't showered since the election. Smells pretty bad too. This all (almost assuredly) adds up to him being a lonely loser. So what does he do to help the situation? He's sitting there playing with a doll.

Yes, a little anime character doll, a girl with a sword an maybe some demon wings. It has a little stand attached so that he could presumably find just the right pose, and display her proudly. He's practicing poses right now. I have no way of knowing but I suspect this is not greasy-boy's first anime doll. Do I feel sorry for this duchebag? No, because he chose to exacerbate his duchey condition by publicly playing with a creepy doll.

And yes he looks like one of the Trenchcoat Mafia from Columbine. This is what my fellow commuters are subjected to.

Recurring themes

2009-01-12T21:06:00.000-05:00

I just realized I have a limited repertoire of punchlines for jokes. They all seem to be using prison, the crystal meth diet, animal husbandry, and heroin as themes. I need to branch out.

Play 60

2009-01-12T06:58:00.001-05:00

This summer I spent an awesome day with Eli Manning! He taught us how to hold the ball, catch, even run a "fade route"! The other 4th graders and I picked him off twice and held him to a QB rating below 35. Punk.

(Not) Light on my feet

2009-01-08T18:00:00.001-05:00

So I have to get physical therapy for an inflamed tendon in my foot. My wife wanted me to ask the doctor if this "is caused by me being too fat".

When I asked him, he laughed, but then said "well, if you were lighter it would probably make it hurt less". This coming from a guy definitely above 250 and wearing a hawaiian shirt in January. Then we talked about meatballs.

Oh and apparently I stand duck-footed, and everyone knew this but me. Thanks for not telling me, especially since I make fun of duck-footed people and animals (except actual ducks, they can't help it).

PS today someone told me they "love coming home and reading about my problems". I hadn't realized my problems were prolific enough to entertain on a recurring basis, but when I read some of my own blog posts... Yeah I'm kind of an unintentional freakshow.

Change we can believe in!

2008-12-31T09:01:00.002-05:00

This is great. WSJ outlines the corrupt machinations of the party without a "culture of corruption" - and the new year hasn't even started yet. Remember all the protestations over Bush 2 being a "dynastic" president? Only got elected 'cos of daddy?

I guess political dynasties are frowned upon in america - unless your name is Kennedy (it's nice the democrats have a Sarah Palin of their very own in Caroline), Biden, Cuomo, Salazar, or Pelosi. Of course if you don't have a heavy-hitting Democtratic party-machine family, you can move to Chicago and just buy your seat!

WSJ - December 31, 2008
Dynasty
The Democratic Party's Senate Soap Opera

For those who thought the new era of Democratic governance would be dull, we present this year's Senate replacement follies. Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich kept the entertainment going yesterday by defying just about everyone and nominating former state Attorney General Roland Burris to the seat being vacated by President-elect Obama.
Recall that federal prosecutors had gone public with their criminal complaint against Mr. Blagojevich earlier this month expressly to deter him from making such an appointment. Mr. Obama had then declared that the Governor should not make an appointment, and Senate Democrats had said they wouldn't seat anyone Mr. Blagojevich did appoint. Majority Leader Harry Reid repeated that pledge yesterday regarding Mr. Burris, who lost to the Governor in a primary in 2002 but then was vice chairman of his transition team.
Democrats who run the state assembly are still trying to impeach Mr. Blagojevich, but meantime they've stepped back from allowing a special election for the seat. Democrats hope to dump the Governor and then have his replacement appoint a different Democrat. No doubt they're afraid Republicans might win given this exquisite display of competent, honest Democratic government.
Meanwhile, Democrats in New York are fighting over Caroline Kennedy's campaign to be appointed to the Senate seat being vacated by Secretary of State nominee Hillary Clinton. Former Democrat and former Republican and now independent Mayor Mike Bloomberg is all for the idea, as reportedly is Mr. Obama, whom the daughter of JFK and niece of Senator Ted Kennedy endorsed at a crucial moment during the Presidential primaries. Not so happy is New York Attorney General Andrew Cuomo, the son of a former three-term Governor, who would like the seat himself and was once married to a Kennedy.
Caught in the middle is Democrat David Paterson, who will appoint a new Senator but is Governor himself only because Eliot Spitzer flamed out with a prostitute. Ms. Kennedy hasn't helped herself with a recent spate of interviews showing she doesn't know very much about many public issues. But then how much worse could she be than the professional politicians who populate Albany or represent New York in Washington? Democrats will outnumber Republicans in New York's House delegation next year, 26-3, and it speaks volumes about their abilities that Mr. Paterson might choose a dynastic neophyte over any of them.
Lest it be overlooked, there's also the spectacle in Delaware, where the soon-to-depart Joe Biden has arranged to have a crony appointed to take his Senate seat of 36 years. Edward "Ted" Kaufman, a former aide to Mr. Biden, is expected to keep the seat away from a more ambitious Democrat for two years, until Joe's son Beau Biden, the state attorney general, can return from his National Guard tour in Iraq and run in 2010 to maintain the family business.
And don't forget Colorado, where a mooted Senate replacement for Secretary of Interior nominee Ken Salazar is his brother, Congressman John Salazar. Democratic Governor Bill Ritter, who has benefited from the money and organization of the Salazar political machine, will make that appointment.So to recap all of this change you can believe in: A Kennedy and Cuomo are competing to succeed a Clinton in New York; the skids are greased for a Biden to replace a Biden in Delaware; one Salazar might replace another in Colorado; and a Governor charged with political corruption in Illinois wants one of his cronies to succeed the President-elect. Let's just say we're looking forward to 2009.

NJ as a bad example

2008-12-30T09:01:00.003-05:00

Great – this is how we want to be remembered, as an example to the rest of the nation of what not to do. This coming at a time when Louisiana and Illinois are still... states. Unfortunately this post in the WSJ doesn’t cover the state’s endemic corruption problem, or the terminal cancer of union power in the state government and education system.

New Jersey Is the Perfect Bad Example

Obama should look here to see what high taxes do.

When Barack Obama makes his New Year's resolutions, at the top of his list ought to be the following: "I will not allow America to become New Jersey." Think of it as our gift to the nation. Other states offer promising experiments in areas such as Medicaid, taxes, education and regulatory reform. In contrast, the People's Republic of New Jersey offers America something truly unique: the perfect bad example.

As harmful as this has been for our own prosperity, our example could be invaluable for President-elect Obama. That's especially true given that his team appears to be considering some of the same things that have long been popular in Trenton. For years, the solons in our state capital have operated on the assumption that you can have high taxes everywhere -- on income, on property, on business -- without suffering any consequences.

Well, Gov. Jon Corzine is now dealing with those consequences, and his budgets show it. Earlier this year, he pushed through a budget that was one of the few in New Jersey history to be less than the one that preceded it. With revenues now running $1.2 billion short of what was expected, the next budget will undoubtedly be tougher still.

Not all of Mr. Corzine's choices have been good ones. In fairness, however, he is dealing with huge problems that have been years in the making. In some ways, we are a mini-California. That is to say, where New Jersey was once a national leader in terms of economic growth and job creation, more recently we have become a national laggard.

It seems not to have dented the consciousness of our political class that New Jersey's dismal economic performance might be linked to the state's tax policy. According to the nonpartisan Tax Foundation, New Jersey is home to the most hostile tax environment for business in the nation. We also bear the nation's highest burden of state and local taxes. And on the list of the 10 counties with the highest median property tax, we claim seven of them.

During the last recession, we began to feel the full weight of these burdens. Other states responded by cutting back on spending and getting their houses in order. Not New Jersey. Then-Gov. Jim McGreevey added to the burden by borrowing and spending and raising the corporate tax -- including the imposition of an alternative minimum tax on business. And we've been paying for these bad choices ever since.

Mr. Obama might pay special attention to what these measures have meant for jobs, especially given his expressed concern for the struggling middle class. Though the state did ultimately emerge from recession in 2003, private-sector job creation since then has been a pale shadow of what we enjoyed after the recessions of the 1980s and 1990s.

Of course, there was one area where jobs did grow. From 2000 to 2007, says the New Jersey Business & Industry Association, the government added 54,800 jobs. To put that in proper perspective, that works out to 93% of all jobs created in New Jersey over those seven years.

So how do we respond to these new hard times? Beginning New Year's Day, New Jersey workers will see even more money taken from their paychecks. The money will support a new mandate offering six weeks of paid family leave to almost all New Jersey employees -- right on down to those working in very small operations. In itself, the family-leave tax will not be the ruin of the state economy. But the imposition of yet another new tax at this moment bespeaks a lack of seriousness about what both New Jersey workers and businesses can afford.

For the moment, Mr. Corzine, like Mr. Obama, is putting his faith in public-works spending. Indeed, he has even called on the president-elect to expand his own plans for an infrastructure stimulus to $1 trillion. And it would be hard to deny that our tired infrastructure could use some attention.

But amid all the debate over jump-starting the economy through public works, we risk losing sight of a larger truth: What governors and citizens alike need most is a growing economy that is creating jobs for the people and sending revenue to the capital. Over the long run, the only way to have a healthy and growing economy is to do exactly what New Jersey has not: Trust the people with their own money, and create an environment where initiative and enterprise are rewarded rather than penalized.

Absent a thorough-going revolution in Trenton, New Jersey may be lost for some time to come. But if Mr. Obama can learn from our bad example and do the opposite, New Jersey's loss might yet be America's gain.

Is "Legal and Compliance" review of Santa warranted?

2008-12-05T07:26:00.000-05:00

Apparently, Santa "sees you when you're sleeping" and "knows when you're awake"... Does he know when you're awake because he suddenly can't see you any more? Or does he also watch you when you're awake? And if the latter, does he watch you on the can or in the shower? What are the boundaries? If he "sees you" in a burning house, does he call 911?

Does the watching apply to people like me, who get gifts from my wife instead of Santa? Or is there an allocation of responsibility, so that if I give YOU a gift I have to watch you in the shower?

I think we all need to revisit Santa's prospectus and privacy policy.

What's wrong with you perfume-people??

2008-12-01T07:46:00.000-05:00

It takes a certain amount of conviction in one's own cognitive abilities to consciously make very bad decisions. For example, my eyes and nostrils are both watering from the cloud of cloying perfume worn by the woman next to me on the train. She must have deliberately applied it in such quantities this morning. With full consciousness of the consequences of her decision, she filled up her fish tank with a Costco-brand perfume, then dunked her whole head and/or ass in it.

You know that nasty buy-by-the-six-pack perfume that strippers wear to hide the smell of vagasil and failure? This isn't that pretty. I feel it burning my skin like a cloud of WWI mustard gas - and the woman's obviously on her way to work! I should warn homeland security. I hope I don't pick up the smell and go to work smelling like composting goats.

Christ its repulsive. I wish someone would fart up indian food just to counter-balance this olfactory nightmare. I'm getting lightheaded - maybe the sweet release of asphyxiation will free me soon?

Moral of the story: ladies (and fellas - you can be stinky too) please use some discretion when applying anything smelly. If you think "hey this smells good, I should use SOME MORE!" then your decision making capability is compromised and you should not apply perfume, operate heavy machinery, shoot a gun, or breathe for the rest of the day.

Shop here for ME and MY BENEFIT!

2008-11-28T22:24:00.000-05:00

Alright - Upromise is figuring out how to use social networking and... you know... the *rest of the internet* to expand. Hey, when you shop, shop through this link:

http://www.upromise.com/guest/2451898627

Go on, click it. You want to. Click it and buy something damn you!

Tenure: good for teachers, bad for kids.

2008-11-13T12:13:00.003-05:00

Could there be hope? In DC of all places, someone's standing up to the "education establishment" mafia. NYT's article re the efforts of Superintendent Michelle Rhee to reform the teaching establishment has some great ideas for reforming tenure (even though it doesn't go as far as eliminating it). If Randi Weingarten's worried, you know it's on the right track!

The Tax System - Explained With Beer

2008-11-06T17:46:00.003-05:00

This was emailed to me last night, and though I don't know if the attribution is correct, it's a very clear description of America's tax system. Plus it talks about beer.

The Tax System - Explained With Beer

Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:

The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay $1.
The sixth would pay $3.
The seventh would pay $7.
The eighth would pay $12.
The ninth would pay $18.
The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.

So, that's what they decided to do.

The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve.

"Since you are all such good customers," he said, "I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by $20." Drinks for the ten now cost just $80.

The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes so the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free. But what about the other six men - the paying customers? How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his 'fair share?'

They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer. So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay.

And so:

The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings).
The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33%savings).
The seventh now pay $5 instead of $7 (28%savings).
The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 ( 25% savings).
The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 ( 22% savings).
The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).

Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to drink for free. But once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings.

"I only got a dollar out of the $20,"declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man," but he got $10!"

"Yeah, that's right," exclaimed the fifth man. "I only saved a dollar, too. It's unfair that he got ten times more than I!"

"That's true!!" shouted the seventh man. "Why should he get $10 back when I got only two? The wealthy get all the breaks!"

"Wait a minute," yelled the first four men in unison. "We didn't get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!"

The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.

The next night the tenth man didn't show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They didn't have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill!

And that, boys and girls, journalists and college professors, is how our tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore. In fact, they might start drinking overseas where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.

David R. Kamerschen, Ph.D.
Professor of Economics
University of Georgia

For those who understand, no explanation is needed.

For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible.

Cognitive dissonance

2008-11-03T20:09:00.003-05:00

This is disconcerting. I work on Wall St. I have an MBA from one of the top business schools on planet earth. I'm a devout capitalist that counts Atlas Shrugged as one of the most important and influential books of anyone's life. I loath socialist, class warriors, and the Kennedys... And yet I have to vote for Obama.

I can't vote for the fascists even if they have a much better tax policy. The election shouldn't be a choice between theocracy and socialism but c'est la vie. Its all so very off-putting.

Beware the looters. SHAME on the republicans for selling out to the theocratic nitwits in the midwest and south (oh, and Alaska apparently). They've managed to turn the great career of McCain into John Kerry circa 2004.

Word of the day

2008-11-03T19:36:00.001-05:00

Here's another word of the day: Obsequious.

This was part of a song lyric I heard when I was in junior high, and randomly googled on the train. Turns out I've been singing "Infamous, anonymous, nefarious, and bane" but this whole time its actually "Obsequious, arrogant, clandestine, and bane".

Go figure.

House Democrats contemplate abolishing 401(k) tax breaks

2008-10-29T16:27:00.004-04:00

Here we goooooooooooooo! Down the drain that is. The socialisation of America has begun, and Obama's not even in office yet! This October 12th article in Investment News highlight a brilliant plan to replace your 401(k) tax deduction with... SURPRISE! A GOVERNMENT PROGRAM!!

House Democrats contemplate abolishing 401(k) tax breaks

Mandatory contributions from workers considered
By Sara Hansard October 12, 2008, 6:01 AM EST

Powerful House Democrats are eyeing proposals to overhaul the nation's $3 trillion 401(k) system, including the elimination of most of the $80 billion in annual tax breaks that 401(k) investors receive.

House Education and Labor Committee Chairman George Miller, D-Calif., and Rep. Jim McDermott, D-Wash., chairman of the House Ways and Means Committee's Subcommittee on Income Security and Family Support, are looking at redirecting those tax breaks to a new system of guaranteed retirement accounts to which all workers would be obliged to contribute.
A plan by Teresa Ghilarducci, professor of economic-policy analysis at The New School for Social Research in New York, contains elements that are being considered. She testified last week before Mr. Miller's Education and Labor Committee on her proposal.

At that hearing, the director of the Congressional Budget Office, Peter Orszag, testified that some $2 trillion in retirement savings has been lost over the past 15 months.
Under Ms. Ghilarducci's plan, all workers would receive a $600 annual inflation-adjusted subsidy from the U.S. government but would be required to invest 5% of their pay into a guaranteed retirement account administered by the Social Security Administration. The money in turn would be invested in special government bonds that would pay 3% a year, adjusted for inflation.
The current system of providing tax breaks on 401(k) contributions and earnings would be eliminated.
"I want to stop the federal subsidy of 401(k)s," Ms. Ghilarducci said in an interview. "401(k)s can continue to exist, but they won't have the benefit of the subsidy of the tax break."
Under the current 401(k) system, investors are charged relatively high retail fees, Ms. Ghilarducci said.
"I want to spend our nation's dollar for retirement security better. Everybody would now be covered" if the plan were adopted, Ms. Ghilarducci said.
She has been in contact with Mr. Miller and Mr. McDermott about her plan, and they are interested in pursuing it, she said.
"This [plan] certainly is intriguing," said Mike DeCesare, press secretary for Mr. McDermott.
"That is part of the discussion," he said.
While Mr. Miller stopped short of calling for Ms. Ghilarducci's plan at the hearing last week, he was clearly against continuing tax breaks as they currently exist.
SAVINGS RATE

"The savings rate isn't going up for the investment of $80 billion," he said. "We have to start to think about ... whether or not we want to continue to invest that $80 billion for a policy that's not generating what we now say it should."
"From where I sit that's just crazy," said John Belluardo, president of Stewardship Financial Services Inc. in Tarrytown, N.Y. "A lot of people contribute to their 401(k)s because of the match of the em-ployer," he said.Mr. Belluardo's firm does not manage assets directly.
Higher-income employers provide matching funds to employee plans so that they can qualify for tax benefits for their own defined contribution plans, he said.
"If the tax deferral goes away, the employers have no reason to do the matches, which primarily help people in the lower income brackets," Mr. Belluardo said.
"This is a battle between liberalism and conservatism," said Christopher Van Slyke, a partner in the La Jolla, Calif., advisory firm Trovena LLC, which manages $400 million. "People are afraid because their accounts are seeing some volatility, so Democrats will seize on the opportunity to attack a program where investors control their own destiny," he said.
The Profit Sharing/ 401(k) Council of America in Chicago, which represents employers that sponsor defined contribution plans, is "staunchly committed to keeping the employee benefit system in American voluntary," said Ed Ferrigno, vice president in the Washington office.
"Some of the tenor [of the hearing last week] that the entire system should be based on the activities of the markets in the last 90 days is not the way to judge the system," he said.
No legislative proposals have been introduced and Congress is out of session until next year.
However, most political observers believe that Democrats are poised to gain seats in both the House and the Senate, so comments made by the mostly Democratic members who attended the hearing could be a harbinger of things to come.

ADVICE AT ISSUE
In addition to tax breaks for 401(k)s, the issue of allowing investment advisers to provide advice for 401(k) plans was also addressed at the hearing.
Rep. Robert Andrews, D-N.J., was critical of Department of Labor proposals made in August that would allow advisers to give individual advice if the advice was generated using a computer model.
Mr. Andrews characterized the proposals as "loopholes" and said that investment advice should not be given by advisers who have a direct interest in the sale of financial products.
The Pension Protection Act of 2006 contains provisions making it easier for investment advisers to give individualized counseling to 401(k) holders.
"In retrospect that doesn't seem like such a good idea to me," Mr. Andrews said. "This is an issue I think we have to revisit. I frankly think that the compromise we struck in 2006 is not terribly workable or wise," he said.
Last Thursday, the Department of Labor hastily scheduled a public hearing on the issue in Washington for Oct. 21.
The agency does not frequently hold public hearings on its proposals.
E-mail Sara Hansard at shansard@investmentnews.com.

Obama and the Tax Tipping Point

2008-10-22T08:11:00.001-04:00

How long before taxpayers are pushed too far?

Another great articulation of why the Obama tax programs (in fact the Democrats' tax programs since the 1940s) lead exclusively to ruin.

This opinion piece - "Obama and the Tax Tipping Point" - is in today's WSJ. Today in OpinionJournal:
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB122463231048556587.html?mod=rss_opinion_main

The biggest problem with Obama is of course McCain. The guy has no economic or tax plan to counter Obama's nonsense. Where's Steve Forbes with his flat tax proposal? Hell even hillbilly Huckabee figured out that fairtax.org had a point. McCain's not FOR anything, just against Obama.

Unions lie again

2008-10-20T07:20:00.001-04:00

With alarming regularity I get factcheck items in my inbox about how the unions distort, manipulate, and flat-out lie to advance their socialist looter agenda.

This one is about two of my favorite unions, the UAW (determined to destroy the american auto industry) and the SEIU (the folks who instead of going to work get drunk and bang on drums, pots & pans, and passersby in front of the giant rat in NY).

They're both running false ads against McCain's proposed health "plan". Link: http://www.factcheck.org/mobile/article.php?id=811&page=3. There's enough wrong with his plan that it can be criticized with truth, they don't have to make shit up.

I hate that little tramp Dora

2008-10-15T07:15:00.005-04:00

So a couple of days ago, I posted "Vlad hates Diego" as my facebook status. To my surprise, this generated a flurry of replies (ok a couple of replies, but to me that's a flurry). Hence I feel the need to clarify my statement.

I don't actually *hate* Diego; I was just kind of sick of him when I wrote that. My kid's a big Diego fan.

I *do* hate Dora though. She and her little non-sequitor minions all receive my loathing (you too Boots, and you, the weird blue cow with the bandanna). Why you ask? Well:

She dresses like a slob, with her belly hanging out of her shirt. And she's a child that goes off "exploring" in the wilderness. Where are her parents? I don't want my kid wandering into the woods by himself with hopes of a magic map rescuing him.
All the socio-political bullshit that show tries to program into our kids. The only solution to many of the challenges she faces are to speak spanish?
There's no "Jenny the Explorer" teaching latin american kids to speak english
The only badguy (Swiper) is the only character that doesn't speak spanish, nor have an accent.
Sometimes she runs across characters that don't speak english, and makes no attempt to help them even though she's bilingual. We're all expected to learn Spanish to communicate with Tuga the Turtle (ok that's a Diego character but its the same principle)
Finally, I don't like the way she talks to the viewer like they're retarded (Do YOU see the TREE? Good!)

End of diatribe.

Hey, you! How much money do you make?

2008-10-07T22:38:00.002-04:00

Looky at what I found, courtesy of a Money magazine article:

http://www.glassdoor.com

Gamechanger.

Anonymously post your title, company and salary, and you get info on other salaries. And then you feel bad.

The origins of the problem

2008-10-03T20:24:00.002-04:00

This post (http://www.snopes.com/politics/business/easescredit.asp) from snopes.com has links to the NYT stories it quotes. Hmmmm lesseee now... Bush was *for* oversight, Barney Frank and the Democrats of course opposed it, and BTW the Clinton administration started the subprime mess to placate their voting blocs... that doesn't seem to jive with the current rhetoric.

George Saunders does Palin

2008-10-03T11:29:00.003-04:00

This is awesome - http://www.newyorker.com/humor/2008/09/22/080922sh_shouts_saunders.

But do you know what the difference is between a dead moose with lipstick on and a dead moose without lipstick?
Lipstick.
Think about it.
Moose are, truth be told, Élites. They are big and fast and sort of rule the forest. Sarah took that one down a notch. Who's Élite now, Bullwinkle?

Hey, remember the Taliban?

2008-10-03T11:03:00.003-04:00

Remember once upon a time, when we could recognize actual “badguys”? Before we were all so afraid of Michelle Obama, Sarah Palin, and John Ascroft, and “the media elite”, we were all pretty much able to agree that some people were unequivocally … “bad”. Sure, there were always upstanding American citizens on the far left or the far right willing to vouch that the Soviet communists or the Nazis were just misunderstood (hell, Michael Moore was flying people to Cuba just a couple of years ago) but on balance the rest of us could at least unite on some moral playing field:

* Nazis=bad.
* Khmer Rouge=bad
* North Korea=bad (even despite W’s “axis of evil” comments – yes they can be bad even that means you agree with W)
* Taliban= F’ng BAD

In the wave of politics and apologistics that has consumed us in the recent years, we’ve seemed to lose site of that last one. Yes, they can actually be gruesome horrendous monsters, even if that violates the spirit of multiculturalism. Even if that means you and Donald Rumsfeld agree on something.

NYT has a nice little article about the full-scale war now being waged in Pakistan’s “tribal” areas (link here). By “nice” I mean terrifying; here’s a little sample:

“Reports of Taliban terrorism are widespread.

In one case, scores of Taliban fighters confronted Iqbal Ahmed Khan, the brother of Waqar Khan, a member of the provincial assembly. The fighters ordered Mr. Khan, who was with two of his sons, to choose the son he wanted killed, said the president of the Awami National Party, Senator Asfandyar Wali.

After Mr. Khan was humiliated into choosing one son, the Taliban killed both boys, Mr. Khan and seven servants, Mr. Wali said.”

Like I keep saying, keep your eyes on the prize. I can’t wait for the slew of inane comments like “Oh yeah, well they only hate us because Bush cut taxes on Halliburton!” and “There’d be no Taliban if Bush signed the Kyoto treaty!” and “They’re just misunderstood – if we convert them to Jesus they’ll be fine!”.

Word of the day

2008-10-03T07:55:00.001-04:00

Sometimes a word will grab my attention. Either I'll read it or grab it from an overheard conversation, or sometimes its totally random. The word usually amuses me for minutes at a time. I don't know how to spell it, but today's word is "bespeckled".

Wtf?? Bailout the UAW?

2008-09-30T20:09:00.002-04:00

Bush approves a $25B loan package to BAIL OUT auto makers today! I guess that's ok since GM is Main Street not Wall Street. Why reward big auto for mismanagement and lack of innovation? Why reward the greedy bloodsucking unions that devoured these companies the way maggots devour a corpse? Is it because the socialist unions control enough weak, corrupt politicians and the Democratic machines in the midwest? I wonder.

Don't be greedy; share the blame!

2008-09-29T19:56:00.003-04:00

Well, looks like the Democrats are again poised to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. Here we are with America blaming Bush and the Republicans for the stock market slide and something nebulously called "bailouts for Wall Street" - and all the Dems had to do to convince voters they were helping is just SHUT UP and pass the bailout plan. Then, Nancy decides to wing it while giving her speech. Why? Was open mic night canceled? Why use the occasion to sound like a petty vindictive crank on the junior prom committee? She could of just shut up and not given the gaggle of stupids the knife with which to cut off their noses from our collective spited face! Or maybe she's been a partisan hack so long that she in fact couldn't have.

live to fight another day...

2008-09-29T19:20:00.001-04:00

...any other day. A coworker made a comment to me today, along the lines of "we made history; we can say we were working on that worst day of the last 20 years". Trouble is, it's not whether you work on the worst day - it's if you work on the day after.

Stay on target!

2008-09-24T09:47:00.003-04:00

This is great. There's complex financial machinations driving huge changes in multiple financial markets. People's lives are impacted in multiple ways; some lost money in their retirement plans' investments, others are having trouble paying their mortgages, thousands are losing their jobs in the financial industry, and the tax payers will have to pay for some of this fiasco. However, I'm reassured - we should all be reassured! - that both campaigns, congress, and the press are laser-focused on the root problem: rich people.

That's right, we're all shocked (SHOCKED!) to have discovered that there are people who run big companies that make a lot of money - here's a list of the nefarious capitalist pigs. Clearly, this is unacceptable. The American dream - on Main St., not Wall St. - is to toil 10-12 hours per day for a minimum wage (minus union dues). It certainly is NOT to be personally wealthy, or to lead a company that provides the livelihoods of hundreds of thousands of employees.

There's no justice for redneck's victims

2008-09-21T13:22:00.004-04:00

So, putting aside any jokes about how the perpetrators here almost certainly share the same political and religious affiliations are Mike Huckabee and Sara Palin, I think it's sad that there's been no progress in this case. A while ago I wrote about how some red-blooded southerner acquired carnal knowledge of a defenseless goat. In doing some blog clean-up I ran across this follow-up story:

Molested goat case stymied by contaminated DNA sample

A semen sample obtained with a rape kit from a dead goat found in Mossy Head will not lead to an arrest at this time.

It seems authorities are unable to catch the assailant and bring him to the light of justice, and enable me to mock them unceasingly.

Don't touch

2008-09-21T12:55:00.001-04:00

How do you think a two-year-old responds to "don't touch the computer"? Hint - not by not touching.

Right before our eyes

2008-09-21T12:45:00.003-04:00

Hey look at that! This whole time I've been directing random soapbox diatribes to facebook, but turns out there's a mobile blogging feature on this blog!

Foreclosure pets - F'ng sad

2008-07-20T22:23:00.003-04:00

Times are getting rough when you have to ditch the family pet. CBS reports that pets are being given up to shelters (at best) when people can't afford them any more. I guess that was always the case, but they're positioning it as "Foreclosure Pets". When the phenomenon has a clever name on NY local news, that's when it's officially sad.

Selling a piece of history

2008-05-11T19:35:00.004-04:00

Well my friends the time has come. Stu is selling the original black smoker, which was the first one custom built for Stu-Pit competition use. He's put it on craigslist here, and I gotta say it's a bargain at his asking price. Then again Stu will sell almost anything for a fifth of Jim Beam and a place to sleep it off, so I guess it's relative.

Stu-Pit updates

2008-05-04T20:54:00.003-04:00

We've updated the stu-pit website (www.stu-pit.com) with a new contest schedule and pics of the new not-built-by-hand-while-drunk smoker.

Upcoming BBQ Contests:

34th Annual Monmouth County Fair on July 25 and 26 at East Freehold Showgrounds, Kozloski Road, Freehold
Neil Stein Garry Maddox BBQ Challenge on August 23 at Citizen's Bank Park
Bridgeton King Pig BBQ on September 19 and 20
Diamond State BBQ Championship on October 17 and 18 at Dover Downs Hotel & Casino, DE

Also we put up a facebook "page" for the Stu-Pit BBQ team, so go there and become a fan why doncha.

The Onion nails the Bear Stearns buy-out

2008-03-22T13:04:00.001-04:00

The Onion nails it again.

JPMorgan Chase Acquires Bear Stearns In Tedious-To-Read News Article

NEW YORK—As a volatile market reacts to news of the Bear Stearns fire-sale deal with a surge in stock prices but reduced bond yield, officers...

Kansas - making us all feel better about not living there

2008-03-15T20:38:00.005-04:00

Are you f'ng kidding me? How fat and lazy do people in the Midwest need to be? You may have read about my disdain for Kansas in this blog, but Jesus! Isn't this taking it to a new low?

Sheriff: Woman sat on toilet for 2 years
WICHITA, Kan. - Authorities are considering charges in the bizarre case of a woman who sat on her boyfriend's toilet for two years — so long that her body was stuck to the seat by the time the boyfriend finally called police.
Ness County Sheriff Bryan Whipple said it appeared the 35-year-old Ness City woman's skin had grown around the seat. She initially refused emergency medical services but was finally convinced by responders and her boyfriend that she needed to be checked out at a hospital.
"We pried the toilet seat off with a pry bar and the seat went with her to the hospital," Whipple said. "The hospital removed it."

(full story here) And what gets me most is not only did this "individual" have a boyfriend, but the boyfriend stayed with her for two years!! Bringing food and water!!! And never calling the cops!!!!

And NOBODY ELSE called the cops! You know he must've at least mentioned to his buddies (maybe at a rally, or a goat rape, or a tractor pull or wherever rednecks congregate) that his girlfriend is stuck to the toilet. Maybe like 6 weeks in he's got to tell somebody, and that person gets on the horn to the cops, or to the local radio station. But no, it's Kansas...

Raisins - good for you, bad for the pup

2008-03-01T20:14:00.005-05:00

I got this via email, and apparently its something that's been "proven"on Snopes (http://www.snopes.com/critters/crusader/raisins.asp). Apparently, besides chocolate, macadamia nuts, and some other foods, raisins are very harmful to dogs. This is pretty scary since I have a toddler who doesn't eat chocolate or macadamia, but does eat grapes and raisins by the fistful. He also has a habit (as toddlers do) of "sharing" with the dog.

WARNING Dog Owners

This week I had the first case in history of raisin toxicity ever seen at MedVet. My patient was a 56 pound, 5 yr old male neutered lab mix who ate half a canister of raisins ometime between 7:30 AM and 4:30 PM on Tuesday. He started with vomiting, diarrhea and shaking about 1 AM on Wednesday but the owner didn't call my emergency service until 7 AM.

I had heard somewhere about raisins AND grapes causing acute renal failure but hadn't seen any formal paper on the subject. We had her bring the dog in immediately. In the meantime, I called the ER service at MedVet, and the doctor there was like me—had heard something about it, but.... Anyway, we contacted the ASPCA National Animal Poison Control Center and they said to give I V fluids at 1 1/2 times maintenance and watch the kidney values for the next 48-72 hours.

The dog's BUN (blood urea nitrogen level) was already at 32 (normal less than 27) and creatinine over 5 (1.9 is the high end of normal). Both are monitors of kidney function in the bloodstream. We placed an I V catheter and started the fluids. Rechecked the renal values at 5 PM and the BUN was over 40 and creatinine over 7 with no urine production after a liter of fluids.

At the point I felt the dog was in acute renal failure and sent him on to MedVet for a urinary catheter to monitor urine output overnight as well as overnight care. He started vomiting again overnight at MedVet and his renal values have continued to increase daily. He produced urine when given lasix as a diuretic. He was on 3 different anti-vomiting medications and they still couldn't control his vomiting.

Today his urine output decreased again, his BUN was over 120, his creatinine was at 10, his phosphorus was very elevated and his blood pressure, which had been staying around 150, skyrocketed to 220. He continued to vomit and the owners elected to euthanize.

This is a very sad case—great dog, great owners who had no idea raisins could be a toxin. Please alert everyone you know who has a dog of this very serious risk. Poison control said as few as 7 raisins or grapes could be toxic. Many people I know give their dogs grapes or raisins as treats. Any exposure should give rise to immediate concern. Feel free to contact me if you have any questions.

Laurinda Morris, DVM
Danville Veterinary Clinic
Danville, Ohio

Now here's the thing. My kid's been feeding whatever he can to the dog, including grapes and raisins. Plus the dog's become a ninja at stealing food. But we've never (don't jinx it!) had a problem; in fact the fat pup ate a bunch of Hershey's kisses once and didn't even flinch - though we did call the vet that time. So I ask you, has anyone actually experienced a health problem with their dog after they ate one of the "prohibited foods"? And does anyone know of other common household foods that are dangerous to dogs?

Fun times

2008-03-01T13:44:00.000-05:00

I have, in the past 48 hours, been searched by the police in Grand Central, vomited on by a tiny orange man, and spooned by a dog.

Stay in school, kids

2008-02-17T12:02:00.004-05:00

This post on one of the blogs I follow (www.controlledgreed.com) got me a little stirred up. It's titled "College a waste of time and money?" There was a similarly-themed question on linkedin.com this week asking "Is it derogatory to be a college dropout?". While both threads include valid points, especially the "opportunity cost" of going to college balanced against the incremental return, I have to call bullshit.

If you plan on working in the corporate world, formal education is essential. If you're planning on being an entrepreneur and starting your own business, corporate experience is important; it gives you an edge over other entrepreneurs, bith in the networking aspect as well as exposure to those elements you think you don't like. "I don't want to wear a suit and have a boss!" How do you know you don't? Because MTV told you it's not cool, or because you tried it and learned that about yourself? Of course, if you plan on starting a band, or being an artist, or a professional adventurer, or missionary, you can probably skip college. I made the comments below in response to the controlledgreed post; I wonder what others would say ion the subject... Am I being too old-fashioned in my belief that going to business school and working on ridiculous projects with teams of people you don't know and may not like teaches you important skills?

Sorry folks, you can talk about alternatives to education, but I work in financial services (and technology for financial services before that) and I will not hire you or your kids without a college degree. Also I would not have been hired in any job I had without it. At least you need to explain why you didn't go: "I needed to support my family, so couldn't afford it, but 6 months in a trade school got me a job" is acceptable. "I don't believe in the concept that I'd have to take Literature when I'm more of a science guy" is not. I agree that the quality of your education is critical, and socialization plays into that quality - hence the University of Phoenix MBAs get less credit in my book - but education is required. Mind you it doesn't guarantee success, just gets you in the door. Without it, enjoy your alternatives.

Hillary Clinton = Welsey Mouch

2008-02-12T10:57:00.000-05:00

Holy shit. I was trying to take a break from ranting about politics, but it's becoming just scary how our "fearless leaders" are taking the worst possible ideas from literature and attempting to apply them to our lives. Earlier I wrote about how Mike Huckabee is becoming Nehemia Scudder; now it seems that Hillary Clinton is doing her best Welsey Mouch impersonation. For those who don't know the character of Mouch, he is "the country's economic dictator" in Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged.

Senator Clinton:

Clinton said any agreement should include a moratorium on foreclosures of at least 90 days on owner-occupied homes with subprime mortgages. Any agreement should also include a rate freeze on adjustable mortgages of at least five years or until the loan is converted into a fixed-rate mortgage, she said.
Clinton said the freeze would give the housing market time to stabilize and homeowners time to build equity. She also called on the mortgage industry to provide regular reports on the number of mortgages they have modified. (source)

Wesley Mouch:

"The economic condition of the country was better the year before last than it was last year, and last year it was better than it is at present. It’s obvious that we would not be able to survive another year of the same progression. Therefore, our sole objective must now be to hold the line. To stand still in order to catch our stride. To achieve total stability. Freedom has been given a chance and has failed. Therefore, more stringent controls are necessary. Since men are unable and unwilling to solve their problems voluntarily, they must be forced to do it.” He paused, picked up the sheet of paper, then added in a less formal tone of voice, “Hell, what it comes down to is that we can manage to exist as and where we are, but we can’t afford to move!
So we’ve got to stand still..."

Dogs give up their lives to save family

2008-02-12T09:27:00.000-05:00

This article I saw in the "Odd News" section on Yahoo goes to prove Andy Rooney's quote:

“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person”.

Apparently, two dogs helped save the lives of their owners, at the expense of their own doggie lives. Very sad, yet very noble. I think about all the times I yell at my own dog when he starts barking at things only he can see, and I have to remind myself that he's not just being annoying (well OK he gets very annoying) but he really thinks he's helping. They don't really "think" about it in those terms, because dogs have brains the size of my toe, but they mostly have good intentions. Well done Bella and Maddie.

New Favorite Site pro tempore

2008-02-11T09:26:00.000-05:00

I've been way too political lately, so I decided to again rant about the collection of human mental excrement that is the internet. Check out this awesomeness for example:

http://www.theonion.com/content/atlas/

This is a link to The Onion's "Our Dumb World" site. They have country profiles as well as point-of-interest highlights. Click around, see what you find. My favorite item: the country profile for Democratic Republic of Congo - Like a Zoo You Get Killed At...

Radar's article on McCain's enemies list

2008-02-09T16:03:00.000-05:00

Wow - the more I learn about McCain the better I like the guy. Specifically this article falls into the "the enemy of my enemy is my friend" category. If this collection of whack-jobs hates McCain, I'm getting me a McCain bumper sticker. Radar doesn't even capture the animosity of Dobson (or for that matter Huckabee) but as I've said before that scores him bonus points in my book...

Dobson endorses Huckabee

2008-02-08T11:03:00.000-05:00

Dobson says "he could not in good conscience vote for John McCain" - that's good enough for me. I'm not a big McCain fan but now that Mullah Dobson hates the guy...

John McCain for President!

For the record, Dobson and his ilk are the Taliban with a better shave. These hateful, ignorant, backwoods freaks are emblematic of what is wrong with American society today.

The Onion kills Brady

2008-02-07T20:27:00.000-05:00

Patriots' Season Perfect For Rest Of Nation

FOXBOROUGH, MA—As the once-invincible, still-insufferable Patriots attempt to come to grips with their 17-14 Super Bowl loss to the Giants, the death of their dream to go undefeated, and the possible end of their dynasty, almost every other...

I thought the Onion was satire, but they seem to hit it right on the nose with this piece! Favorite line:

"...as a team that has been insufferable and unappealing in victory instantly became inconsolable and self-pitying in defeat."

Mike Huckabee = Nehemiah Scudder

2008-02-06T09:48:00.000-05:00

Some of the most effective dire warnings about how human society [will have / has] gone astray come from great writers. Literary works like Farenheit 451 and Brave New World show us frightening visions of where our own actions as a society can take us. Now that Huckabee has won a modest victory in the South, I think it’s time to point out another Heinlein work that serves as a harbinger of doom yet is often underrated and under-referenced in such discussions: Revolt in 2100 .

One of the taglines of the book (written during the cold war) was "In the end, it wasn't the communists who got us after all". Now you all know I'm no friend to communists (nor to socialists, nor to any breed of looter) so this is not to excuse the danger we face from such folk. However, this serves to remind us of the danger we face from the rising power of Christianists (yep, just like Islamist but more white-bread) in our own society.

Which of the current presidential candidates most eagerly yearns to establish a Christian Caliphate here in America that would echo the horror of Revolt? Give you a hint: he doesn’t believe in science and yesterday won Georgia… Everyone considering voting for this clown should read this book - although many of his minions awaiting the rapture might actually want to live in such a dystopia. Maybe they should read Philip Pullman instead...

Why Mike Huckabee Scares Me (or scares Marc)

2008-01-27T09:39:00.000-05:00

My friend Marc wrote a nice response about Huckabee and religion in government on facebook, but you'd have to be on facebook to read it. I've reposted it here for my legions of readers to absorb...

James Madison, the author of the document to which every person elected to the presidency MUST swear to uphold and defend, would have been deeply troubled by this debate. Religion is faction. Even those who maintain their LACK of faith belong to a faction. Faction is inevitable in a free society. Even if we destroyed all remnants of religion, left a nation of infants here to be self sufficient, and all killed ourselves before those infants knew what happened, the survivors would still grow up to become factioned by class, belief, etc. Even in Christianity, in Revelation, when the whole of mankind is exposed to the truth of God and Jesus, humanity is factioned into those saved and not saved. Now, if faction is inevitable in a free society, how are we to maintain that free society if one faction believes itself to be correct in something that cannot be proven while one is alive?

We can either get rid of the causes of factions or offset the effects of faction (of course, I'm paraphrasing Madison here). Getting rid of the causes of faction is impossible in a free society because it requires destroying the liberty of the free society or getting every man woman and child to agree on one thing. That means we must offset the effects of faction. The constitution has been set up to do just this by creating a democratic republic. In a pure democracy, if some maniac were able to sway the majority into believing his/her way, he could then abuse that mandate to his disgression. In our republic, the maniac is rendered impotent by two of our greatest qualities: federalism and representation. Our system of federalism separates power into 50 smaller units. Our system of representation falls into separation of powers; populous states are rewarded more representation while everyone is still represented. In this case, even if a maniac comes along and is able to sway the popular majority of one state, section, or even the whole country itself, the system will still prevail.

Those of you professing that Mike Huckabee "scares you", take comfort in this: Even if Mr. Huckabee were to amass an overwhelming majority of support from Arkansas or the deep south or even the United States of America, he would still be hard pressed to eliminate the document that he is bound by. The most important thing for people afraid of a dominant faction to do is to vote. By voting (not just for president, but for every election no matter how trivial) those in fear of the majority ensure they still have a voice. What Mr. Madison most likely couldn't have predicted was for people to become apathetic and complacent. To quote Michael Douglas' character in "The American President": "This is advanced citizenship, folks! You got to want it and want it bad."

The US has seen its share of maniacal yet popular movements. Abolition, secession, unchecked capitalism, xenophobic hysteria, court-packing, nuclear hysteria, communist hysteria (which, incidentally is the reason we have "God" in our pledge of allegiance) all come and go. If the majority wins, the movement wins. If the movement is meritorious, it remains (i.e. abolition). If said movement should lose veracity over time, it cannot persist (i.e. prohibition).

So, in short, speak your voice with your vote. Debate party, policy, and platform until your voice is hoarse. Welcome the next president to the white house as a public servant, and only that. For the people who sit in the oval office have no more power to mandate their personal beliefs than each and every one of us have to destroy theirs. I'll end by quoting Madison:

The influence of factious leaders may kindle a flame within their particular States, but will be unable to spread a general conflagration through the other States. A religious sect may degenerate into a political faction in a part of the Confederacy; but the variety of sects dispersed over the entire face of it must secure the national councils against any danger from that source. A rage of any improper or wicked project will be less apt to pervade the whole body of the Union than a particular member of it; in the same proportion as such a malady is more likely to taint a particular county or district, than an entire State.

Huh-ha....he said "taint".

Smurf your smurfing terrorism, here's the real news

2008-01-14T16:33:00.000-05:00

Smurfs -- known in the original Belgian comic strip as Schtroumpfs -- may only be as tall as three apples ...

Again, I need to understand what strange algorithm (or stoned intern) at Reuters decides what stories warrant a "priority". It seems almost uncomfortable to read about the Smurfs in any context, but for fuck sake it's between a bomb in Karachi and a bomb in Kabul!

There's people dying across the globe but stop the presses! This time, there's a superfluity of smurf vaginas! C'mon Reuters; you're better than this. Also, why is this a Reuters World story to begin with? Do they know the Smurfs aren't really in our "world"? Who did the fact checking? I'm so tired...

That awful Michael Moore movie

2007-05-14T11:47:00.000-04:00

So I finally put my money (or my Netflix queue) where my mouth is, and after years of criticizing Michael Moore’s Fahrenheit 9/11, I decided to actually see the film. Having a degree in film, and another in marketing, I was prepared for a masterful piece of propaganda that would steer the unprepared mind to Moore’s perceived outcomes. But instead, I was greeted with crap. Simple crap. This is the kind of half-assed propaganda that appeals to a Deaniac or Air America listener, but event the casual observer could pick up the bullshit and contradictions. This was not masterful it was hackey; and hackey makes me angry.

Wow! Sometimes a movie has such effrontery, such malice, and fills me with such revulsion that my own words are not enough to describe it. I'll quote Chris Hitchens masterful review of this "film":

To describe this film as dishonest and demagogic would almost be to promote those terms to the level of respectability. To describe this film as a piece of crap would be to run the risk of a discourse that would never again rise above the excremental. To describe it as an exercise in facile crowd-pleasing would be too obvious. Fahrenheit 9/11 is a sinister exercise in moral frivolity, crudely disguised as an exercise in seriousness. It is also a spectacle of abject political cowardice masking itself as a demonstration of dissenting bravery.

The rest of his review is brilliant and certainly worth reading.

"Top" Stories?

2007-02-08T16:26:00.000-05:00

This is what I'm greeted with at the top of my newsfeed... Someone at Reuters should examine how they rank top stories. Isn't there a war or goat-rape or election generating news somewhere?

Goat Rape

2007-01-26T17:12:00.000-05:00

O, I wish I was in Dixie!
Hooray! Hooray!
In Dixie Land I'll take my stand
To live and die in Dixie
Away, away,
Away down south in Dixie!

Northwest Florida Daily News: Authorities investigating goat’s death

Here's some excerpts to tempt you to read the story:

"A female goat might have been sexually assaulted and killed Saturday ..."
"...no evidence ... of a ritualistic animal sacrifice..."
"Semen was found inside the goat..."
"...the incident ... would be a felony because the animal died..."

O, I wish I was in the land of cotton

Old times there are not forgotten

Look away! Look away!

Look away! Dixie Land.

Worst Christmas Gifts, Ever!

2006-12-29T11:22:00.000-05:00

Every winter, I like to revisit this compendium at somethingawful.com (http://www.somethingawful.com/index.php?a=440). The most wonderful thing abou this list is it's [probably] all true.